So after a previous particularly humiliating performance, I spent over a month preparing for (more like obsessing about) the last talk I gave this past fall. I simply love it when I’m up there about to die from completely illogical nervousness, hoping that I make at least a little sense when I look at my audience and see…well, that guy over there is looking quizzically at my slide (What? I didn’t dumb it down enough for you? There’s already practically no text!)…and over there, she’s looking quizzically at me (What? Am I not speaking English here? Or wait. Is my shirt buttoned wrong? No wait. My shirt doesn’t even have buttons!)…and over there, my major professor is staring down at his lap (What? Are you actually embarrassed to hear me talk?! Thanks a bunch for boosting my self-confidence.).
And then the questions.
“Did you look at the platelets?”
“No. We’re not interested in platelet involvement in this process.” [Did you even listen to my talk?! What exactly did I say that had anything even remotely to do with platelets?]
“Well, they’re important. You should look at the platelets.” [because I study platelets and could really use the collaboration and I think that making you look like an idiot will really make you want to work with me.]
“Thanks for the suggestion.” [No shit platelets are important. I just don’t care.]
I hate giving talks. Really, I do. It’s right up there with, oh, I don’t know, cleaning up poop. Dirty, smelly, runny poop. Especially talks about nothing. Since I have no data at all right now. I also really hate making talks. Which is what I’ve been spending the last two weeks doing (after I already spent 2 weeks making that MD/PhD research conference-type thing poster on absolute nothingness). But now I have to talk about nothing. This weekend. Oh joy.
Why this aversion to giving talks? Well, maybe, just maybe, it’s because I’m a super-introvert who just can’t stand being the center of attention. You attention whores out there feel free to smack me now. [Yes, I realize the irony in my career choice, but that’s another post for another day.]