my life, my pace

Ever notice how great all the women look in scrubs on Grey’s Anatomy? I especially love how scrubs accentuate Izzie’s plentiful boobs oh-so-nicely (even more so than when she wears regular clothes!). Straight from the show’s FAQ is the explanation: “Our scrubs are perfectly tailored to each actor’s body by our very amazing costume department. They have darts and tucks and, here’s the key, LYCRA in them.” Ooooooooooooooh. I see. That is so not fair. Why can’t real doctors (and med students) look good in scrubs too? I thought I looked silly in a white coat. Well, I look downright ridiculous in scrubs. And I’m talking about size XS here! First off, the pants are too loose even though there’s that waist-tie thing, which forces me to try to tie the pants all the way up at my chest, which is not at all comfortable. It also doesn’t work. The waistline inevitably slides down just a bit every time I exhale. If only I didn’t need to exhale… Then there’s the ridiculous length of scrub pants that ensures that I’m definitely picking up every single dirty little germ in the hospital as they drag on the floor despite my efforts to tie the waist-tie tight enough to hold them up (and thereby making it rather difficult for me to breathe). Then there’s the shirt. Which practically goes down to my knees, making me look…well…I can’t even begin to describe it. I tried tucking it in, but that meant I couldn’t hide the fact that I tied my pants up at my chest to keep the bottoms from dragging on the floor. So that means the pants get to hang at my normal waist and drag on the floor. Besides, tucking my shirt in doesn’t really work anyway. Doing so just makes everything look poofier and all the more ridiculous. Looks like I just can’t win here. I came up with a brilliant solution for this problem one day. Kids’ scrubs! I already shop in the kids section for my regular clothes. Why not scrubs too? So I checked it out. And I failed. Apparently, they only make scrubs for really little kids. I may be little, but not that little. So now I know that scrubs are just either way too big or way too small for me. The irony. Oh how I wish scrubs came in a decent size for poor little me. I don’t need them to be perfectly tailored to my body. I don’t need them to make my boobs look good. I just need them to not make me look like I’m a child dressed up (quite badly I might add) for Halloween.

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1. sand people are hazardous to dogsSo I have nothing against sand people...they just annoy me. As long as they stay out of my way, we can coexist peacefully. But it’s appalling what sand people are capable of. On my way home from a trip to Ikea, I caught view of an object moving in the back of a utility truck. My heart literally sank to the floor when I realized what the object was: a dog. It was running around frantically in the tiny space that is the bed of such a truck as the truck was barreling along at 70+ mph. Not only that but it was NOT in any way tied to anything and the sides of the truck were so low that one misstep would have led to dead dog on my windshield. Dogs shouldn’t be placed in the back of trucks to begin with, but if you’re going to do it, at least tie the dog to something! Would you put your kids back there? I would hope not. So it really evades me as to why these people choose to do so with their dogs, which are as helpless and reckless as children. This particular guy was also yapping away on his cell phone, so he probably didn’t even notice his dog freaking out in the back of his truck, whereas everyone behind him was switching lanes to avoid having a dog fly into their windshield. He probably won’t notice until he arrives at his destination one day with no...
2. how to infuriate me in seven simple steps 1. Wake up way too early to go to lab to do absolutely nothing after a not-so-restful weekend. 2. Arrive at lab to find out that I need to deal with some statistics for an animal protocol because my major professor is too busy doing nothing to deal with it himself (and maybe because he probably doesn’t even know any statistics). 3. Spend all day at lab doing nothing but coding my website because I don’t want to deal with statistics today only to realize that my ultimate vision is flawed so I have to start from scratch tomorrow. 4. Finally escape from lab only to get stuck in the worst traffic ever, turning a usual 20-minute trip home into an over one-hour long trip, complete with a large helping of the stupidest drivers ever just to test my patience as we all sit there at a dead stop in sweltering heat. And here all I wanted to do was make it to the Bath and Body Works sale before the after-work rush. 5. Go to Bath and Body Works anyway because it can’t possibly be that crowded in this small college town. Well, it can and it was. Search unsuccessfully for carrying bag for my more-than-my-little-arms-can-handle load of stuff. Debate whether or not to bother because I can’t find a bag. Decide that I’ve already invested way too much time and energy to leave empty-handed and stand in the obscenely long line with an armful of heavy-to-poor-little-me stuff...
3. i hate giving talksSo after a previous particularly humiliating performance, I spent over a month preparing for (more like obsessing about) the last talk I gave this past fall. I simply love it when I’m up there about to die from completely illogical nervousness, hoping that I make at least a little sense when I look at my audience and see…well, that guy over there is looking quizzically at my slide (What? I didn’t dumb it down enough for you? There’s already practically no text!)…and over there, she’s looking quizzically at me (What? Am I not speaking English here? Or wait. Is my shirt buttoned wrong? No wait. My shirt doesn’t even have buttons!)…and over there, my major professor is staring down at his lap (What? Are you actually embarrassed to hear me talk?! Thanks a bunch for boosting my self-confidence.). And then the questions. “Did you look at the platelets?” “No. We’re not interested in platelet involvement in this process.” [Did you even listen to my talk?! What exactly did I say that had anything even remotely to do with platelets?] “Well, they’re important. You should look at the platelets.” [because I study platelets and could really use the collaboration and I think that making you look like an idiot will really make you want to work with me.] "Thanks for the suggestion." [No shit platelets are important. I just don’t care.] I hate giving talks. Really, I do. It’s right up there with, oh, I don’t know, cleaning up poop. Dirty,...

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