my life, my pace

And this whole qualifying exam thing definitely qualifies as annoying. I have finally met with all of my committee (of doom) members and apparently I met with them in the wrong order. All the ones I met with before today’s final member were nice and made me feel like they weren’t going to eat me. But my last member, she tried to eat me today, damnit. She acted like my meeting with her was in fact my qualifying exam and picked apart the very basis of my thesis project, refusing to accept any of my explanations otherwise. I haven’t felt this close to having a nervous breakdown in front of my attacker since that time I got reamed by my warm-and-fuzzy doctoring class facilitators. Is this what it’s going to be like when I take my quals? I don’t remember signing up for this. If I had ever wanted to quit this whole PhD thing before, what transpired today just pushes me that much closer. Why bother torturing myself with this crazy studying when apparently no amount of studying can save me from out-to-get-me committee member? Maybe it’s just the study-overload and lack-of-life that’s talking, but I’m feeling pretty hopeless right now, which is not very conducive to my mastering of my leastest favorite topic in the whole world: Physiology and Electrophysiology of Membranes. Couple that topic with what happened today and you have the perfect recipe for grad student breakdown, which I’m trying very hard not to succumb to here. But enough whining and onto the music. The song that’s been running through my head ever since that meeting today is Jack’s Mannequin - Bruised. Because that’s definitely how I feel right now. And then some.

…Hours pass, and she still counts the minutes
That I am not there I’ve wasted not studying, I swear I didn’t mean
For it to feel like this
Like every inch of me is bruised, bruised
Don’t fly fast. Oh, pilot can you help me?
Can you make this last? This plane time is all I got [to study]
So keep it steady, now
Cause every inch you see is bruised, yeah…

As always, feel free to send (preferably happy) song suggestions my way through the contact form.

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