my life, my pace

Man, this whole Wii thing has really gotten me into a funk.  I don't think I've studied anything worth anything since Monday.  And as much as knowing that freaks me out, I am utterly helpless.  Apparently, it's very hard for me to get into my studying groove once I've been spoiled by not studying.  The sad thing is that I wasn't even particularly enjoying myself during my little not-so-well-deserved study hiatus.  It all started with the Wii problem, which sent me into crazy-check-forums-for-any-news-every-other-minute mode, which wasn't at all conducive to studying.  Now that I think back about how many days I wasted not studying because of my disappointment over not getting my Wii as promised, I can only hang my head in shame because I can't understand why it was such a big deal to me.  Maybe it was a "reward" for all the studying I had accomplished and knowing that I wasn't going to get it when I planned made me lose my motivation?  Then, when I finally began recovering from my Wii funk after Amazon finally shipped it, I was dealt another incapacitating blow in the form of the whole let-the-holidays-begin-crazy-in-laws funk.  Just the thought that I had to spend yet another Thanksgiving with them was enough to make it impossible for me to study.  The thought that we would never be respected as our own family and that I would have to forever share my holidays with these crazy people.  What can I say?  I'm a glass half empty kind of girl.  Then of course, there was Thanksgiving itself.  Between all the running around that we did, there was no time to breathe let alone study.  And Friday, I just had to play with my Wii (and that I did for only 2 hours or so…the rest of the day was spent chasing down various in-laws). 

So today was supposed to be my fresh start.  But I just couldn't start.  I couldn't even begin to fathom how I had managed to study for a full month straight already because I simply couldn't even bring myself to open the book or pick up my pen.  So I found other things to do instead.  Like putting up Christmas decorations.  And taking a peek under my car's hood to try to figure out why the "check engine" light is on.  And cleaning the study.  And baking cookies.  Anything except for study.  But at the same time, I'm freaking out inside because I know damn well that I'm wasting precious time.  Yet I can't do anything about it.  I'm stuck in this funk and I can't get out.  I keep hoping that tomorrow will be a better studying day, but it hasn't been so far and I'm really starting to freak out now.  And still, I can't get myself to study.  Is this normal?  Am I burnt out already?  Will I be okay tomorrow?  Please tell me it'll get better and I'll study again.  Because if I don't, I'm not going to finish in time.  Which means I'll fail my quals.  Which will be very, very bad.

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1. how to freak a grad student out (tip #251): random qualifying exam committee shuffleAdmit it.  You're always on the lookout for cruel new and unusual ways to freak your grad student out.  It's obviously not enough for you that s/he is already always in full-on freak-out mode for one reason or another anyway.  You just have to make it worse, right?  Well, time to rejoice because I'm now compiling tips on how to freak grad students out from my experiences on the receiving end of such torture.  So let's preface by saying that I'm already super freaked out since I'm supposed to be studying for quals and I haven't been for oh, the last two weeks.  And I keep promising myself that today will be the day that I'll get back into super hardcore studying mode everyday.  So I'm freaked out.So today, I tried really hard to study.  But I was distracted by a number of things, only a few of which actually pertained to grad school.  Just when I was getting ready to hunker down for a long day of studying, an email pops up in my inbox that fills my heart with fear.  Why?  Because its subject was: Qualifying Exam Assignment - mylifemypace.  Oh crap.  They figured out that I should have taken my quals last quarter.  Masochist in me clicked on the email anyway and it took forever to load while my major professor blabbed away about the Mercedes SL500 (seriously, can't you see I'm in the middle of something?).  When it finally loaded, it wasn't what I thought it...
2. wii are greedyI’m sure you’ve seen in the news all those stories about the crazy lines and camping out for the PlayStation 3 and to a lesser extent, the Nintendo Wii.  Now I can understand if all these people just had to have their video game systems right at launch.  I was even one of them (sort of) since I camped out all night at my laptop to get my Wii on Sunday, but what I can’t stand is that in reality, the majority of the people who went to such lengths did so to make a quick buck at the expense of the people they assed out because they took up all the space in the lines.  I read somewhere (I forget and I’m too lazy to look it up again) that of all the people who camped out for the PS3 that only 30% of them were actually getting it for themselves or family or whatever.  That means that a whopping 70% of them were getting them just to turn around and sell them for ridiculous prices (upwards of $3,000)!  Which I think is not fair to the poor moms and dads and other people who, for some reason or other, could not (or would not—people were robbed, shot, trampled, and had cars broken into at some PS3 launches) go to such crazy lengths for a gaming system.  Of course, they don’t have to turn around and buy these systems from scalpers for $3,000, but maybe they just have no...
3. my new and improved lab routine…...if I can stick to it (which I failed miserably at today, by the way). 9:00 am - Arrive (I My husband just can't seem to wake up any earlier). 9-9:30 am - Get my daily surfing routine out of the way in record time. 9:30-11 am - Study, study, study! 11 am - Start getting hungry...no, you can't eat until you finish this section! Force myself to keep studying. 12 pm - Whoo-hoo! Food! You know, your brain needs food to learn... 12:20-12:40 pm - Supplemental internet surfing ("study break") 12:40-4 pm - Study, study, study! 4 pm - Start anticipating time to go home. More supplemental surfing. 4:10 pm - Must...make...use...of...time. Back to studying, though at slower pace. 5:20 pm - Husband finally picks me up from this hell. Compare that to my old lab routine and you should be very proud of me. Now if only I can keep it up for the next 2.5 months....

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