my life, my pace

You know what’s really annoying?  When I try my darndest and it still isn’t good enough.  It’s okay if it’s not good enough for me…if my standards for myself are too high.  But it’s not okay when it’s coming from someone who has absolutely no right to judge.  Yes, I’m talking about you, Mother-in-Law (actually, all of my in-laws, but Mother-in-Law is the one who started it all).  You, with no education free-loading off of the welfare and Medicaid systems and now your kids because free government money just isn’t enough.  Who gave you the right to judge me?  Ever think of taking a good hard look at yourself?  So evil woman that she is, she cannot admit that I’ve done good.  Ever.  I think she would spontaneously combust if she did.  We visited her this weekend (God knows why…I must have still been delirious from passing my quals) and my husband told her that I’d passed my quals and practically begged her to acknowledge it somehow.  But she didn’t.  I’ve had strangers congratulate me.  But not her.  How can you expect me to treat you with respect if you don’t afford the same towards me?  And to add insult to injury, she did not speak to me at all and repeatedly brought up not-so-dear brother-in-law as if to minimize my achievement (though how would I really know since she was speaking Chinese the whole time).

What happened this past weekend is but an example of her outrageous behavior towards me.  How do you expect me to treat you like a mother when you don’t treat me as well as you treat strangers?  Throughout this entire marriage, all I’ve done is bend over backwards and then some to do everything that she wanted of me.  And what did I get for my trouble?  A whole lot of drama.  And disrespect.  And more drama.  Now no one in his family talks to me even though I did my best for them too.  I’m a super-introvert and I’m super-selective about who I talk to, but I made the effort to try to befriend all of his siblings even though I would never give such people the time of day in real life.  And what did I get for making such efforts?  A whole lot of nothing.  Worse yet.  I got stabbed square in the back.  I can’t believe I felt bad about skipping Christmas with them.  I don’t anymore.  In fact, I’ll be sure to skip every Christmas from now on.

So, in honor of Mother-in-Law’s refusal to admit that I’m smarter than her entire family combined and to treat me with any respect despite my best efforts to treat her with respect when she doesn’t deserve it, my song for this week is: Joe Purdy - Can’t Get it Right Today.  Because I just can’t get it right with her.  Or the rest of my no-good in-laws.  But guess what.  I don’t care.  They just better know never to ask me for anything ever again.  You need a kidney?  Ha!  You can’t have mine!

As usual, feel free to send song suggestions to me here.

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1. inspirational music for life’s (annoying) little moments 2.3I hate to admit it (and likely jinx myself), but this summer has been the quietest one so far in terms of in-law drama. Sure, I had that pesky cousin-in-law over for three weeks, but that was nothing compared to having not-so-dear brother-in-law and passive-aggressive cousin-in-law over for eight long weeks along with a severely sprained ankle. But, of course, all good things must come to an end, and I'm currently preparing myself for super spectacular in-law drama for Labor Day weekend. To make a long story short, we will all end up converging in a sunny locale to show yet another cousin-in-law universities in the area and sister-in-law wants everyone to get together and pretend to be one big, completely fake, happy family. Which, of course, isn't going to happen because I have banned any contact between myself and my husband with not-so-dear brother-in-law and his super psycho super fugly girlfriend (maybe I should just call her SPSFG for short...or maybe not...). And of course, because my sister-in-law loves all things fake, she'll throw a huge hissy fit and declare me the evil one. Well, so be it if that's what it takes for me to make a stand against their golden boy and his SPSF girlfriend. I'd rather be ostracized (quite frankly, I much prefer being uninvolved) than be exposed to that fugliness for even a millisecond. Oh yeah, and I can't stand superficiality and fakeness. If my family doesn't get along, then we don't get along. We...
2. inspirational music for life’s (annoying) little moments 1.16So I visited the dear mother-in-law not just this last weekend, but also the weekend before because a) it was her birthday and b) because Mother's Day is this Sunday and we can't make it back because my husband has an exam.  I don't know why I all of a sudden became so generous, but I did.  And funny thing is: I don't even regret it that much.  Because she was nice.  And almost decent.  I thought it was because she was finally happy to see us after we boycotted Christmas and all.  But that couldn't be it because we'd withheld visits before and she was just as mean.  Then, because to the common person, med student = doctor, she asked me for advice on the findings from some test she'd had done because she was having abdominal pain.  So I read the report.  And found that they had given her an antidepressant to treat suspected irritable bowel syndrome.  Aha!  So that's why she was sane and normal and almost nice.  Because she was finally taking the antidepressants she so badly needed!  Now if only she would keep taking them.  Then all would be well.  I just need to count on no one else figuring it out and telling her because she would immediately stop and sue the doctor for daring to think she has a mental illness.  But I'll enjoy it while it lasts. So, in honor of my mother-in-law's better mood thanks to the magical pills, my song...
3. inspirational music for life’s (annoying) little moments 2.6Unluckily enough for me, my holidays were chock full of in-law action (or inaction depending on how you look at it).  And after yet another Christmas where I ended up with re-gifts and gift cards to places I don't shop after I put a lot of thought and money into their presents combined with their blatant hypocrisy, I'm done with them.  I seldom take leaps or put my faith into people because that's just not how I am.  But I (foolishly) put myself out there with them because I thought we could all be family...that I would have a motherly figure in my life again, a sister, and brothers who would actually listen to me (my brothers have since come around).  But everything that has happened with my in-laws since the day I got married has only served to remind me of exactly why I put a huge wall around myself that few people ever manage to scale.  And to show me how big of an idiot I was to believe even for a second that I was going to gain another loving family.  So my song for this week is Paramore - For a Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic because I put my faith in these people and they just threw it away.  And then some. [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4KKfSL_Tw20[/youtube] As usual, send song suggestions here....

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