my life, my pace

It’s over.  It’s decided.  I am not finishing grad school this year.  Not in time to start rotations with the rest of the eager-eyed third years.  Sure, I can tell myself that I wasn’t ready anyway.  That you’d be amazed at how little I remember from my first two years of med school despite how smart I supposedly am.  That I wouldn’t let myself near a patient if I had any say at all.  But who’s to say that this extra time will make me any more ready?  Will I really spend it preparing myself (in between trying to make experiments work and writing my thesis) or will I just squander it anyway because I’m lazy and stuck in a rut?  Yes, stuck is what I am.  I am stuck in what should have been a mere moment in grad school.  It’s turned into much more than that.  I’m stuck in grad school and I can’t get out of it.  I hope you see where I’m going with this because my song for the week is U2 - Stuck in a Moment.

Song suggestions?  Submit them here.

Related posts:

1. inspirational music for the graduate student 1.11So I did another one of my experiments yesterday and since I haven't done a little happy dance, that means that it didn't work out.  Again.  Our model is still just a tad too lethal.  But I won't lament my failure to get results today.  I wrote about guilt yesterday and I want to continue that theme today.  What else do I feel guilty about besides not seeing my horrible, terrible in-laws for the holidays?  Well, these experiments...each one means I kill an animal.  And I like animals.  A lot.  Even experimental animals.  That stink.  I know that we need to do experiments on animals because we can't do them on humans.  And that they don't die for nothing.  But it's still hard for me not to feel guilty about killing these innocent animals.  One moment they're sitting in their cage.  And the next they're sedated and being cut open.  Never to wake up again.  And at the end of the day, they just get tossed into a biohazard bag in a bucket to be disposed of.  It gets to me after awhile.Now before you call me naive, this is not the first time I've worked with animals.  I did so as an undergrad.  But I never saw the experiments from beginning to end.  I never saw the animal awake just minding its own business.  And I never saw it struggle and fight against being given a shot (to induce anesthesia).  I only saw it lying on the operating table...
2. inspirational music for the graduate student 1.10Another experiment.  Another failure straight out of leftfield.  Malignant hyperthermia?!  We didn't even use halothane!  I think that I'm seriously doomed to be in grad school forever.  And I'm really, really tired.  Tired of studying.  Tired of getting nowhere.  Tired of being tired of everything.  So the song I've chosen for this week is: Green Day - Tired of Waiting.  Because I'm just plain tired of waiting for my experiments to work.  Not that I've been sitting around and waiting really.  I've been trying so hard to make them work.  But they just won't.  And I'm tired.Want to save me some time?  Then send me song suggestions through the contact form.  ...
3. inspirational music for the graduate student 1.1 As promised, here is the next category in our inspirational music series. To be quite honest, no songs really instantly pop into mind when I think of my life as a grad student (unlike when I think of life as a med student). Why is this so, I asked myself. Well, it turns out that I haven’t taken this whole being a grad student thing seriously. I’m not a grad student! I’m a med student doing grad student stuff! Elitist? Probably. But I can’t help it. Maybe I’ll examine this issue some more in a later post—I don’t really feel like being too introspective right now. But not to fear! I have in fact come upon a song (on the way to lab, no less) that’s perfect for describing my days as a grad student: Simple Plan – Welcome to My Life. At first glance, this would seem to be a misunderstood teenager’s anthem, but as you’ll see as you read on, it clearly also relates to my experiences as a (misunderstood) grad student. Do you ever feel like breaking down? [because your experiments just won’t work] Do you ever feel out of place? Like somehow you just don’t belong [because you’re a med student stuck in grad school] And no one understands you Do you ever wanna run away? [and just finish med school] Do you lock yourself in your room [office]? With the radio [windows media player] on turned up so loud That no one hears you...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.