my life, my pace

…and yeah, I would tend to agree that it’s a tad early for me to even be thinking about them, but I just can’t help it when I go to the store to buy some Halloween candy only to be inundated with Christmas stuff already.  Couldn’t I at least have Halloween in peace without the specter of the holidays looming ahead?  I’ve been kind of complacent, believing that I have my holiday shopping taken care of, but the people who are the hardest to find gifts for still remain giftless.  Not only that, but sister-in-law is already trying to figure out our Thanksgiving schedule.  What a hypocrite she is, by the way, because we never heard the end of it when we wanted to skip out on Thanksgiving last year and this year, but she nonchalantly tells us that she won’t be around for Thanksgiving day because she’s spending it kissing her MiniMan’s family’s ass.  And they’re just dating  (I’m pretty sure that if my husband had skipped out on Thanksgiving with his precious family when we were just dating, he would have been disowned).  And he’s mini.  As much as I want her to suffer single forever, I think that I will be just as amused if she marries him because he’s mini.  So mini that she kind of slumps over in pictures with him so that he doesn’t look so mini.  Yeah.

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1. hooray for the holidays…NOTI can't stand the holidays.  Here's why:1. I can't go anywhere (and I mean anywhere) without running into the crazy holiday crowd.  I just wanted to check out my local Gap for this cute bag I wanted, but I couldn't even find parking.  Do like me and do all your holiday shopping online, people.  It's the 21st century after all.2. Holiday music everywhere I go.  And I mean everywhere.  It's already bad enough it's the holidays.  Do they really have to remind me everywhere I go by incessantly playing holiday songs?3. Gifts, gifts, gifts.  I wouldn't mind if I actually had money.  But I don't.  Yet somehow, my in-laws think I do.  Hello! I am not a doctor yet!  And even when I am, all I'm giving you people is one lump of coal.  Yes, one.  It's up to you to figure out how to share it.  If you're not nice to me, don't expect anything nice from me come Christmas.  And yes, I don't expect anything nice from you either.  Actually, I don't want anything from you.  Except for maybe your disappearance off the face of this planet.4. Pointless gatherings.  Especially potlucks.  I hate gatherings.  Period.  I hate them even more when I have to bring food.  Does it look like I have time to cook here?  If I don't eat anything, then is it okay if I don't bring anything?  Yeah, didn't think so.  Can't I just not go?  Don't I wish.  I hate making nice with people...
2. i hate hallmark holidays (a rant)I must have been lucky. Oh-so-lucky. Because I grew up in a family that placed little to no importance on Hallmark holidays. I still remember being little and making my mom and dad cards for Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. If my schoolteacher deemed it important enough to waste days (really now—shouldn’t I be learning?!) at a time making trinkets for our parents for these Hallmark holidays, they would also get said extra handmade trinkets. And even after I became old enough to have some limited spending power, never did I think that it was wrong that I chose not to buy my parents some big spectacular thing for their respective Hallmark holidays. Why? Because they’re my parents. They know that I love them without my having to prove it to them by buying them expensive things that I can’t afford anyway just because Hallmark told me to on some random day no less. Enter my dear (said with extreme sarcasm) mother-in-law. She is throwing a hissy-fit (to put it quite mildly) that we are not worshipping her because this Sunday is Mother’s Day. Yes, that’s right, I said worshipping. A card just won’t do. Nor will a gift (which she will gladly take even though nothing is ever good enough for her and it sure as hell won’t shut her up). We have to worship her. I’m not kidding here. She wants us to drop everything and visit her, which usually involves spending way too much money to indulge...
3. happy new year!I know, I know.  I disappeared for awhile there.  Hopefully I haven't lost all two of my readers with my little vanishing act, but I was just so ready for a vacation from everything, including blogging.  But now, it's a new year and I'm back...and with plenty of gossip.I was cautiously looking forward to a mostly inlawless holiday season because mother-in-law and the two brothers-in-law claimed to be going out of town to ruin someone else's Christmas.  I suspected it was too good to be true and I was right.  Turns out the plane tickets were too expensive and no one bothered to inform my husband or me of their change in plans.  So Christmas day I find myself at their house yet again with everyone acting awkward, awkward, awkward.  It didn't help that sister-in-law's miniman was there yet again.  They've only been dating for six months or so and yet he's coming over for all holidays and sleeping in the same bedroom as her and everything.  I don't understand how she is getting away with this because just two years ago, mother-in-law flipped out when she bought queen-sized bed sheets because she thought it meant sister-in-law was living with her man-of-the-moment.And did I mention that this miniman is an absolute sleaze? Yeah, I can't even look at him straight because I'm scared he's undressing me with his eyes.  He was super flirty with sister-in-law's 17-year-old cousin.  So flirty that even my usually completely oblivious husband noticed.  And all in...

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