As soon as I finish this damn useless PhD, of course. Though at this point, I’m not quite sure that I’ll make it to the end without going on a murderous rampage.
Let’s review how I got here.
1. I spent a whole two years in my major professor’s lab answering his fucking phone and making his Powerpoints. Then he has the nerve to make it my fault that I’m now taking an extra year to finish when it’s really his fault since he’s an ass.
2. I keep getting interrogated in the most demeaning and humiliating way possible whenever I present my work. And you know why? Because the whole fucking world thinks my dumbass major professor is a kook, which then makes me a kook since I’m being “trained” by him. No matter how much I try to distance myself and my work from him, it’s too late because I’m associated with him and that instantly makes me a fraud too. And since they can’t attack him, they attack me. And I’m sick of it.
3. Did I already mention that he’s an asshole? Yeah, so he abandons me for Teacher’s Pet and treats her like a human being, but treats me as badly as those people who like to interrogate and humiliate me treat me. He, who knows nothing about my work, dares to flat out tell me that I’m fucking wrong in what I plan to do next after proving quite conclusively the uniform lethality of the agent I’m testing. Sure, I might be wrong, but he has no right to insult me the way he did when he told me. And for the record, I’m not wrong, he is. I wouldn’t mind if he treats everyone the same way, but he doesn’t. He’s so sweet to Teacher’s Pet that I think I’m going to get cavities from just watching. If I wanted to be abused, I’d go back to med school dammit. At least then it’ll be for something that I actually want and it’ll be worth it.
So there you have it. Once this is all over, my PhD will just be for show. There’s no way in hell I’m continuing with a career in research after all the crap that I’ve been through. Too bad for humanity. I might have discovered the cure for cancer.
Related posts:
- who said that science isn’t for women?I keep reading and hearing all this crap about how women lag behind in math and science. They try to point the finger at our education system and/or attitudes at home, etc. I'm sure some of it is true to some extent, but I just don't really see what they're freaking out about. Maybe I'm spoiled, but everyday, I see plenty of women around me engaged in scientific research. In fact, 61% of our current MD/PhD students are female. Yes, that's right, women outnumber men in our program. Of course that's just our program, but I wouldn't be surprised if other programs have similar compositions. Maybe I'm too unsympathetic, but I just don't believe in this whole women don't pursue careers in math and science because people-made-girls-think-they-weren't-good-at-it-and-they-believed-it crap. I never encountered any of that at all during my formative years. I had nothing but support from my teachers and my parents and I didn't attend fancy-shmancy private schools either. Besides, if someone tried to feed that crap to me, I would never have believed it in the first place and would have set out to prove them wrong. Nor do I believe in the whole women-are-intimidated-by-the-male-predominance-in- the-science-world crap. It's 2007, people. There are plenty of women in high places. Look at Hillary Clinton. What about all those doctors on TV? There are plenty of "strong women" on Grey's Anatomy and House. It is more accepted than ever for women to pursue once-typically-male-dominated professions. I won't lie to you and tell...
- the art of the major professor huntI've received some questions lately about how to find a good major professor and thought that I would address them in a post. First off, I'm obviously not really one to be doling out such advice since I chose horribly wrong, but I suppose I could at least speak to the warning signs to look for when on the hunt for a major professor. 1. How many grad students/post-docs does he have? If your lab-to-be is as deserted as, well, the desert, you should go running for your life. Why? You would think that the fewer people in the lab, the more attention you'll get. Though that may be true, do you really want attention from your major professor all of the time? Plus, fewer people in the lab means more meaningless non-PhD-related grunt work for you. And did you ever stop to think that maybe there's no one in the lab because your major professor-to-be is impossible to work for and anyone with half a brain knew better than to work for him? Yeah, nothing says run for your life more than an empty lab. 2. How does your major professor treat the people who are in the lab? This question might be hard to assess without actually spending a lot of time in his lab. For the few weeks that you may be there for your rotation, everything might appear rosy if your major professor-to-be is good at hiding his mean streak (like mine was), but given enough...
- a taste of things to comeThe grant that partially funds my salary includes several MDs as co-investigators. These MDs somehow find time in their oh-so-busy schedules to attend our marathon monthly meetings. I try to stay away from them because they seem kind of...mean. Especially this one peds guy who looks like he has a stick perpetually stuck up his ass. It doesn't help that he seems to have something against my major professor and his work. Could it be perhaps that he knows that he's a fraud? Well, at one of these said meetings, I show up early because I want a seat far away from the chair of the department and as close to the door as possible. Mean Peds Guy is also early as well as a coworker of mine, Teacher's Pet, and my major professor. Of course, I choose to converse with my coworker rather than talk to and feed my major professor's narcissism. Being the narcissist that he is, he can't stand sitting there unnoticed, so he opens his big mouth and starts talking to Mean Peds Guy. MAJOR PROFESSOR: You know, she's starting her rotations soon. [obviously referring to me] MEAN PEDS GUY [looking like he could care less]: Oh really. I give a sheepish half smile. MAJOR PROFESSOR: Yes. So you're going to be nice of her when she's on peds, right? MEAN PEDS GUY doesn't say anything and just kind of looks pissy. And I really want to hide. But my major professor is not one to...
Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.
0 Response to “that’s it. i’m so quitting science!”