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Tag Archive for 'major professor'

on second thought…

Published
by
mylifemypace
1 month, 4 weeks ago
in lab/graduate school
. 2 Comments

I’m kinda screwed. Let’s count the ways:

1) My hypotheses suck. In my defense, I knew they sucked and I didn’t want to go with them, but my major professor made me. And now I get to look like an idiot when my committee member calls them “naive.”

2) My results suck. It’s not good when your baseline measurements are significantly different from each other.

3) My discussion sucks. That would be because no one told me how to write a dissertation discussion. And also because my hypotheses and results suck.

So yeah, I spent a week sulking over these sad facts. I finally got off my ass and started working on my revision today. And it’s not fun.

whoo hoo it’s revision time

Published
by
mylifemypace
2 months, 1 week ago
in lab/graduate school
. 0 Comments

Just the thing I was waiting for. Revisions. Do I sound excited?

It was hard enough getting the damn dissertation out. Now I have to revise it? I’m not actually as incredulous as I might be sounding right now because I know that my writing and my logic are not perfect and I expected that I would have to make massive revisions. I’m actually glad that the comments are pretty mild and that I don’t have to rewrite the whole thing as I had feared. But that doesn’t mean that the task doesn’t seem daunting to me. Especially because my world has just been turned upside down by issues I would rather not discuss. Just when I was getting back on my feet, shit happens to knock me back down.

In any case, one of the reasons why I’m just a tad annoyed at some of the comments I received is that a lot of them are about things that my stupid major professor told me to say or do that I disagreed with but that he said were fine. And when they got called out and I pointed out to him that it was him who suggested them to me and forced me to write these things, he tried to deny it or imply that I had misunderstood what he had told me to do. He actually criticized me on something he himself told me to do and which I hesitated to do! When other reviewers point out these things, it’s not like I get to defend myself and say to them, “But my major professor made me do it!” I just get stuck with these reviewers believing that I’m an idiot when I’m not. And that’s why this whole revision stings a little bit. Not because I think I’m perfect, but because not all of the mistakes are mine.

But what can I do, right? It’s always been like this with my major professor. If I just suck it up this time around, then I can be done with him for good!

yatta! it’s done!

Published
by
mylifemypace
2 months, 2 weeks ago
in lab/graduate school
. 0 Comments

FINALLY! I completed my first draft of my dissertation last Thursday, just in time to go on vacation! I can’t believe it took so long and all I wrote was 94 double-spaced pages. Looking back, it was really my own inertia that prevented me from finishing…the task just seemed so monumental that there was no point in starting, even when I had already finished everything but the discussion. I literally sat on my ass and watched my puppy for three weeks instead of working on it. When I finally did start writing again, all it took was a week for me to finish! Of course, it’s not done until I get my committee’s signatures and turn it in, which will probably require several painful revisions, but at least I’m over the first hurdle. I just hope my major professor can put his narcissism aside for a moment and not nitpick every word I’ve written. Not likely, but I can still dream…

update: of puppies, chanel, and iphones

Published
by
mylifemypace
4 months ago
in lab/graduate school, married life and medical school
. 1 Comment

Yes, I’ve been MIA again. It’s really hard to write when I’m too busy being a blob.

I deferred my second rotation because the ghost of my dissertation just would not stop haunting me. Translation: my asshole major professor kept demanding a draft from me despite the fact that no one really expects us to pump out a dissertation during our third year of med school. It was a tough decision, but it was just something I had to do in order to make sure that I could focus completely on my rotations so that I don’t fail. One can skate by with only half a mind on Psych, but not while on Peds or Medicine. And I’ve been making good progress so far.

This whole deferment has allowed me to enjoy life a bit more, which is good because I’ve learned to appreciate the little things, like watching my adorable corgi puppy sleep in my lap all day long. It’s also bad because I will have to learn to live a shadow of a life once I return in August. I’m not yet sure how I’ll deal with that yet, but my preliminary plan involves large amounts of Prozac.* Speaking of my puppy, he is absolutely awesome! He’s the cutest thing ever! I always thought that I would miss him having a tail (my other dog has a really fluffy tail that has a tendency to knock things over quite often), but I now find my puppy’s little nubbin to be quite adequate at expressing his emotions and quite cute to boot. From behind, he looks like a bunny hopping when he runs. He’s a handful, but nothing compared to the horror stories I’ve heard about other breeds. I definitely cannot imagine my life without him and can see why Queen Elizabeth II has a bunch of corgis.

What else is new? Well, say hello to my new acquisition:

Isn’t it pretty? It better be because it costed $1000 more than our 52″ LCD TV. I could also have bought the Macbook Air with the amount of money I spent on this purse. Or that Canon 40D DSLR that I’ve been coveting for a year now. But, no, because I am a woman after all, I instead blow my money on a Chanel purse. And all because it’s purple and shiny and super-limited-edition. It was supposed to be my reward for finishing my first draft of my dissertation. I was just at the boutique to try it on so that my husband could then later buy it for me when I fulfilled my end of the bargain, but we ended up buying it because Chanel newbie that I am didn’t realize what incredible good fortune I had to even be able to find it at this late juncture, but at least had the good sense to know that I would forever kick myself if I passed it up. So I possess this purse that I wasn’t planning to buy for another 10 years now and I am quite broke. It is also still all boxed up (my husband was kind enough to let me take it out for a few hours to take pictures of it) waiting for me to finish that draft before it can come out and play. And now you know why I’ve been so productive as of late.

And lastly, somehow beyond all reason, my husband was able to convince me to wake up at 4:30 am the morning of July 11th to head out to our local Apple store to wait in line for the iPhone 3G. Because, of course, I just had to have it. So that’s what we did. And it was quite the interesting experience. We were, of course, not the only crazies as there were already 50ish people there by the time we got there and the line grew to well over 100 people by the time the Apple store opened. I thought I would feel really lame about waiting in line for a phone, but I have to say that I was glad to have experienced it. Of course, my shiny new iPhone 3G was defective and I had to go back a week later to get it replaced, but at least I have one now. By the way, it’s also all sorts of awesome.

*I kid. Sort of.

as the match nears, shadiness abounds

Published
by
mylifemypace
8 months ago
in lab/graduate school and medical school
. 0 Comments

So, as you all know, Teacher’s Pet has been the bane of my existence in the lab for awhile now. I mistakenly thought that she had quit medicine because she cared too much about her patients or some other BS like that, but it turns out that she just quit her internal medicine residency and instead wants to get into another specialty. That’s why she hooked up with my major professor–because he’s in the department of her specialty of choice and she wanted an in.

Well, she applied this year and Match Day is tomorrow. She already knows that she matched and is waiting to find out where. And in the two days that I’ve been at the lab, all I keep hearing is, “If you match here…” or “Who knows…you might end up in Timbuktu…” or “Well, we don’t know yet if you’ll be here…” which is normal I suppose, but for some reason, has been sounding ultra sketchy coming out of my major professor’s mouth, the chair of the department’s mouth, and the chair’s minion’s mouth. They just all sound like they’re saying, “Duuuuuh. Of course you matched here. We made sure of it.” They might as well be wink-wink-nudge-nudge-ing when they say these things because it’s just that obvious. And that just makes me angry. I understand that these shady things happen and I probably can’t do anything about it but play the game. But does it really have to be so blatant? Bad enough that they’re screwing other people (who might have gone about the whole thing in an honest way…that would be novel, wouldn’t it?) over, but do they really have to broadcast it too?

Well, maybe I’m reading too much into things and I’m wrong. But I would be very surprised if she doesn’t match here. I guess we’ll find out soon enough.

awkward encounters of the ex-semi-boyfriend kind

Published
by
mylifemypace
8 months, 1 week ago
in lab/graduate school
. 1 Comment

I had a pretty tiring weekend and an extra tossy-and-turny-sleeping husband the last couple of nights, so I wasn’t quite 100% today. Even though I woke up early enough to primp myself up nicely, I chose to stay in bed a little longer and sleep in a bit. Who’s going to be at lab that I give a crap about anyway, right?

And since I was running around trying to get my immunization records all straightened out (since it seems the med school has magically lost all such information), I was kind of frazzled. As I turned into the hallway to my lab bench, I saw my major professor with someone, but didn’t really pay attention to who it was because I didn’t care and had better things to do. And he usually doesn’t introduce me to his visitors anymore–that spot’s been filled by Teacher’s Pet. So imagine my surprise when he calls out my name and makes me stop dead in my tracks, asking me if I remember his visitor. I take a look, and of course I do. It’s my ex-lab mate and his wife. Fun, I think to myself. And why, oh why didn’t I wake up early and pretty myself up? But then, I take solace in the fact that his wife looks scrubbier than me despite probably knowing full well that she would probably run into me, the chick who probably scarred her husband for life.* Awkward conversation follows and I beat a hasty retreat, glad that I didn’t stick with this guy because he got kind of chubby and still looks like a supernerd. Though I did feel kind of sorry for him because his wife looks and sounds like a bitch and he got chubby…

Even though things ended badly and I probably could have been nicer about “dumping” him, I’m good friends with his sister. We get along so well that I sometimes wish she was my sister-in-law instead of the bitch that I’m stuck with. Though seeing as to how they always come visit my major professor every time they’re in town even though he’s a narcissistic ass probably because his parents make them, I’m pretty glad I don’t have his parents as my in-laws. Ah, tradeoffs. Well, I’d much rather have my husband anyway, even if all of the in-law drama almost negates it. Guess that encounter triggered some introspection on my part, awkward as it was.

*DISCLAIMER: I didn’t purposely scar this guy for life. We were never even a couple. He’s just fragile. And took things way too seriously. And didn’t know when to back off. And never had a real girlfriend until he met and married his wife. So yeah. I’m no cold heartbreaker. Really. And no, I don’t know what the hell I was thinking getting involved with such a dork. We were all young and stupid at some point, right?

a taste of things to come

Published
by
mylifemypace
8 months, 1 week ago
in lab/graduate school and medical school
. 2 Comments

The grant that partially funds my salary includes several MDs as co-investigators. These MDs somehow find time in their oh-so-busy schedules to attend our marathon monthly meetings. I try to stay away from them because they seem kind of…mean. Especially this one peds guy who looks like he has a stick perpetually stuck up his ass. It doesn’t help that he seems to have something against my major professor and his work. Could it be perhaps that he knows that he’s a fraud?

Well, at one of these said meetings, I show up early because I want a seat far away from the chair of the department and as close to the door as possible. Mean Peds Guy is also early as well as a coworker of mine, Teacher’s Pet, and my major professor. Of course, I choose to converse with my coworker rather than talk to and feed my major professor’s narcissism. Being the narcissist that he is, he can’t stand sitting there unnoticed, so he opens his big mouth and starts talking to Mean Peds Guy.

MAJOR PROFESSOR: You know, she’s starting her rotations soon. [obviously referring to me]

MEAN PEDS GUY [looking like he could care less]: Oh really.

I give a sheepish half smile.

MAJOR PROFESSOR: Yes. So you’re going to be nice of her when she’s on peds, right?

MEAN PEDS GUY doesn’t say anything and just kind of looks pissy. And I really want to hide. But my major professor is not one to be ignored.

MAJOR PROFESSOR: You have to protect her.

MEAN PEDS GUY [barely able to pretend that he's joking when he says]: Well, we’re not nice to anybody in peds.

You see, I’m not like my major professor. I do not expect nor want special treatment. In fact, if I could ban all special treatment, I would. But now, because he opened his big fat mouth, Mean Peds Guy thinks that I think that I deserve special treatment. Peds is a hard enough rotation without having pissed off an attending, which is exactly what my stupid ass major professor just did to me. I’m thinking that I should change my identity and get some plastic surgery before peds so that he won’t recognize me and totally screw me over.

do you have what it takes?

Published
by
mylifemypace
8 months, 2 weeks ago
in lab/graduate school and medical school
. 1 Comment

Really? Do you have what it takes to be an MD/PhD? Before you rattle off your sky high GPA and MCAT scores at me, let me tell you about the requirements they don’t tell you about or sugarcoat because they know you’ll go running for your life.

1. Have an inquisitive mind. Sounds like a good skill to have, right? Something that’s really indispensable if you’re planning to pursue research? Well, yeah, it is. But what they neglect to tell you is that no one is going to listen to your ideas. No one at all. You might even get yelled at. Because you’re just a peon and how dare you think you have anything new to add that some seasoned PI hasn’t already thought of.

2. Work well with others. Research is all about collaboration. Nobody gets anything done by doing everything themselves. You just can’t possibly know everything there is to know about everything. What they don’t tell you is that collaboration as a grad student means checking your ego at the door and groveling at the feet of collaborators who hold your already tenuous fate in their hands. Oh, so sorry, I’m not available the entire month of April for your studies.

3. Be able to think on your feet. A good skill to have that applies to many aspects in life in general besides research. But when it comes to research, this skill takes on a whole new level. You need to be able to think on your feet while being bombarded with questions designed to destroy any credibility your study may have had and humiliate you until you have not a shred of ego left by know-it-alls who have nothing better to do than to destroy you just because they can and not because they’re interested in teaching you some far-reaching lesson about research.

4. Creativity, ingenuity, perseverance are musts. Because shit just doesn’t work in research. And you’re going to have to spend many sleepless nights figuring out why your shit doesn’t work and how to make it work if you ever want to finish your PhD. There’s no such thing as dropping your doomed project and moving on to something that just might work. Nope. You’re going to spend 3-4 years (or more!) chasing the same pointless project because your PI doesn’t want to admit that his idea was wrong.

5. Be prepared to be wrong. Because you often are. But you’re often not as well. But even then, you still are because you’re just a lowly grad student and even the lab tech knows more than you. So yeah, be prepared to be wrong, even though you very well may be right. And don’t even think about defending yourself because doing so is just going to get you yelled at.

So there you have it from the inside. Do you still think you have what it takes? If so, then good for you! We need more people like you in research. If not, just stick with med school. You’ll get enough abuse there.